Hansel and Gretel and Crap
The Wife and I went to the movies the other night, to check out "Hansel and Gretel, Witch Hunters".
It was not bad. Not bad at all.
It was, in fact, AWFUL.
But in kind of a good way.
The basic plot (SPOILER ALERT) is that Hansel and Gretel, after their famous fairy tale adventure, grow up to hunt witches. Despite living in what appears to be medieval Germany, they have semi-automatic and automatic firearms, grenades, and TASERs (oh, my). They stop the Russian Cosmonaut from Armageddon from killing a (sort of) innocent woman. Hawkeye from the Avengers is awarded appropriately. Hawkeye and Jean Grey both demonstrate why they played supporting actors in their superhero movies. Script? What script? Apparently George Lucas was the dialogue coach for this film. The whole thing has a kind of steampunk/s&m feel, but they tried to jam way too much plot into an action flick, despite having almost no character development. This would have done better as a season of TV.
Joe-Bob Briggs style summary: Gun fu. Tree fu. Troll fu. Steampunk TASER fu. Head stompin'. Tree fu. Two, count 'em two, bare nekkid breasts. Aardvarkin' under water. Crossbow fu. Dead bodies: too numerous to count.
3 stars. Ted sez check it out.
It was not bad. Not bad at all.
It was, in fact, AWFUL.
But in kind of a good way.
The basic plot (SPOILER ALERT) is that Hansel and Gretel, after their famous fairy tale adventure, grow up to hunt witches. Despite living in what appears to be medieval Germany, they have semi-automatic and automatic firearms, grenades, and TASERs (oh, my). They stop the Russian Cosmonaut from Armageddon from killing a (sort of) innocent woman. Hawkeye from the Avengers is awarded appropriately. Hawkeye and Jean Grey both demonstrate why they played supporting actors in their superhero movies. Script? What script? Apparently George Lucas was the dialogue coach for this film. The whole thing has a kind of steampunk/s&m feel, but they tried to jam way too much plot into an action flick, despite having almost no character development. This would have done better as a season of TV.
Joe-Bob Briggs style summary: Gun fu. Tree fu. Troll fu. Steampunk TASER fu. Head stompin'. Tree fu. Two, count 'em two, bare nekkid breasts. Aardvarkin' under water. Crossbow fu. Dead bodies: too numerous to count.
3 stars. Ted sez check it out.
posted by Ted @ 18:03
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