The People's Democratic Republic of Insomnia

Life is Hard

2012-01-31T04:43:00.003Z

The Wife and I were getting ready to fly to Pensacola yesterday for an afternoon of sun'n'fun with a couple of friends who live out there. Got the plane all ready to go, pulled out onto the tarmac, did my last minute checks, went to take off...and the plane felt funny. What the hell, right? So I stopped the plane, cut the fuel back, got the wife to stand on the brakes while I took a look outside (there's nothing like looking, if you want to find something). Turns out the nosewheel had gone flat sometime since preflight (in the last 5 minutes or so). So I notified tower, called the plane rental place, found out that it was going to be a couple of hours until we got our plane back. So I called our hosts, let them know we wouldn't be making it to Pensacola today, and planned to do some local flying once the plane got back on-line. Then the rental place called me back and told me the plane would be down at least the rest of the day. Oh, well. The Wife and I went and ate sushi instead.

Moral of the story: never, ever use a small plane for travel if you HAVE to be there.

Sick of this Life...

2012-01-24T04:20:00.003Z

Been pretty damned sick the last couple of days. Without getting overly disgusting with the details, let's just say that I've been feverish and spending a lot of time sitting in the bathroom. The annoying thing is that I haven't been quite sick enough to stay home from work. It tends to be really hard to find a replacement, especially on short notice, so I have to be about unable to stand before I'll skip a shift. So the last couple of days have been fairly miserable. Not sleeping well because of symptoms, then having to go to work. Today I'm off; didn't have to get out of bed until I was damned good and ready. Slept for about 13 hours with only occasional bathroom breaks, had some really bizarre dreams, and my gut seems to be settling down.

Shoes

2012-01-12T06:52:00.002Z

I wear sneakers a lot. I mean, an awful lot. I wear them to work. I wear them to exercise (rarely). I wear them when I'm hanging around the house. I wear them when I'm going out. Basically, unless I'm going to a wedding, to court, or to bed, my feet are in athletic shoes. I generally keep 2 pairs of sneakers and swap 'em out every week or so; supposedly this extends the life of a shoe.

A few months ago I participated in a "mud run", basically a 5k obstacle course with a lot of (you guessed it) mud holes. Afterwards, one of the tread spots on my right shoe was loose. So I pulled it off and went on with my life.

A few weeks later, my left hip and lower back started complaining. In fact, my back froze up pretty badly and it took kind of a while to rehab it. In fact, it's still not 100%.

My back was getting worse at the end of last month, starting to be really a nuisance. I had gone back to taking meds for it which is a big deal for me. I was having a hell of a time figuring out what the problem was; it's not like I had added any new activity or anything.

After several days of aching, I swapped my shoes (you guessed it, I put away the shoes with the missing tread spot and put on the other ones) and my back and hip have been getting steadily better since. I've even started running again.*

In retrospect, it all seems pretty obvious. But really, associating left hip and back pain with losing a one-square-inch piece of tread off your right shoe is kind of tough, especially when it takes several days or weeks for symptoms to show up. When you think about it though, these shoes are pretty extensively engineered. It makes sense to think that all the bits might be important.

I got a new pair of shoes today, so far so good. More updates as events warrant.

*Well, I went running yesterday.

Follower Appreciation Post

2012-01-07T07:24:00.001Z

Apparently, there are some folks out there who follow this blog. Hi, y'all! Feel free to chime in with comments. The People's Democratic Republic of Insomnia wants to hear from YOU.

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T11:16:00.002Z

With the help of some online assosciates, I've compiled a list of non-traditional Christmas movies for the non-traditional in my readership.

Here goes:

A Nightmare Before Christmas
Edward Scissorhands
The Long Kiss Goodnight
Die Hard I and II
Red
Bad Santa
Gremlins
The Star Wars Holiday Special
The Blue Carbuncle
Lethal Weapon
Boondock Saints
Life of Brian (it starts with a Christmas scene, at least)
[further suggestions welcome]

Alternately, you can blow all the red-and-green off and choose to watch the X-men movies, thereby keeping the X in Xmas

Why I'm a Lousy Artist

2011-12-14T09:50:00.004Z

I have appreciated some good art in my time. The Pieta, the Mona Lisa, the David, Hamlet, The Final Problem, Citizen Kane, the Ode to Joy*, the Coliseum, Faust...I have seen** all of these. I've even tried to make my own small contributions to the field.

I failed miserably.***

Being the analytical sort, I wondered why. I came up with a few reasons. First of all, I asked, what is needed to make art? Alternately, what IS art?

Art, for lack of a better definition, is communication of strong emotion. When you hear The Ride of the Valkyries, you're ready to go kick some ass. When you read anything by Ibsen, you're ready to commit suicide. And so on. Good art reaches past our rational minds, grabs our heartstrings, and yanks. The artist makes us feel what he feels, and sometimes we thank him for it.

It follows that, in order to make art, one must first experience strong emotion. I have spent most of my adult life trying to dull my emotions with alcohol, goal-directed activity, and bitter rage. I have been moderately successful. Thus, the lack of strong emotions to communicate.

Which leads me to my next point...one must be able to communicate. The artist must bare his soul and reveal what lies within. The artist must strive to reach out and touch his fellow human being.

Eww.

I'm a very private person. In fact, there's a fair chance I won't post this.**** I lie to everyone I know about something. So how the hell would I expose my strongest emotions to the world at large? I'm not a great communicator. Ask anybody.

*Beethoven's 9th to you Philistines

**or heard, or whatever

***No, you can't see it.

****If I do, it's probably because I'm drunk.

Public Service Announcement

2011-12-14T09:38:00.001Z

Anyone who recommends that you Google "blue waffle" is not your friend.

Don't do it.

On Poverty

2011-12-07T07:42:00.003Z

A little while ago, I saw a documentary called "Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Prices". This show talked about the evils of Wal-Mart, their predatory business practices, etc etc. One of the points they made got me thinking:

A full-time entry-level Wal-Mart employee does not make enough money to support a family of four above the federally determined poverty line. According to the filmmakers, this is a bad thing.

This raises the question: How many people is an unskilled laborer SUPPOSED to be able to support? Retail sucks. I get it. It's hard, boring, aggravating work. It's not rewarding, but it also doesn't take much to do. If you're working floor retail it is because there's plenty of people who can do your job and you are eminently replaceable. It's also not a career. If you're making it a career, then you should be moving up into the managerial positions. If you can't do that, maybe you should think about working somewhere else. If you want to be able to support a bunch of people, or buy diamond-encrusted underwear, go out and get some more marketable skills. Learn to weld, or sell (I mean really sell, not just remembering where the toothpaste aisle is), or whatever.

Just sayin'.

On Medico-Legal Issues

2011-12-02T18:12:00.002Z

I'm kind of worried about the recent Murray/Jackson verdict. Don't get me wrong, Murray is clearly an idiot. Propofol is not a drug that should be used outside the operating room, emergency room, or intensive care unit. We're talking about a drug that should only be used in specialized parts of the hospital, certainly not in someone's bedroom*. You absolutely shouldn't leave a patient alone after dosing them with this med (which he did).

I agree Murray was negligent, stupid, and needs to lose his medical license. I do not agree that he was/is a criminal. Here's why: He did not set out to break any laws. His good-faith intent was to provide medical care to a patient with (apparently) some very complex medical, psychiatric, and toxicologic issues. He did not attempt to perform a physician-assisted suicide. He did not attempt to provide an abortion in a state where that is illegal. He tried to treat a patient, and his patient died. This is what is commonly known as a "bad outcome".

Bad outcomes happen, well, not OFTEN, but more frequently than we'd like. Some are really bad (death, vegetative state**). Some are less bad (loss of a limb, extended recovery time). Some are not even noticeable except to an expert (had to put in an extra stitch to close the wound). Bad outcomes happen. They don't mean the practitioner involved did something wrong, or isn't (overall) beneficial as a member of the medical profession. They are the medical equivalent of not closing the sale, or the part getting lost in shipping, etc.

Now there is legal precedent for the criminalization of the bad outcome. If the patient dies, the doctor can now go to jail. That's kind of terrifying.

*If you are a multi-millionaire rock star, you might be able to set up an ICU in your bedroom. Based on the publicity from the trial, Jackson had not done this.

**I will leave it to the reader to decide which of these is worse.

Speaking of Insomnia

2011-11-30T18:51:00.002Z

I just can't seem to get to sleep today. That's weird, because I didn't get enough sleep yesterday and now I'm tired. Worse, I have to work tonight....

On Home Repair

2011-10-31T06:21:00.002Z

My washing machine broke the other day. Nothing catastrophic, the laundry just wasn't done when I went to check on it. Instead, I found a washer full of water and (of course) wet clothes. After a bit of fiddling, I determined that there's a little switch that detects a closed lid, and permits the washer to run the "dangerous" parts of the cycle.

My switch had broken. I figured this out by fiddling with the switch, and finding that if I held it JUST RIGHT, the washer would run. Running a washing machine by sticking your hand in it is kind of frightening and boring, all at the same time.

I called Sears to try and schedule a repair; they told me they'd be out sometime after another Clinton gets elected president. After a bit of head-scratching (and some encouragement from Planet Facebook), The Wife and I took the washer apart, removed the safety switch, and closed the circuit.

Washer works like a charm now. I called Sears back and told 'em they could keep their appointment.

Gone Fishin'

2011-10-17T09:07:00.002Z

Get Back

2011-10-16T06:36:00.002Z

I didn't bike to work this week; not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't. My back went out on Tuesday, which was bad because it happened right after I got to work. 12 hours on my feet, running around, was not pleasant.

I almost had it under control about 4 hours into the shift when I tried to pick something up and the whole thing clamped down again. Fortunately, ice packs and motrin were readily available and it wasn't a very busy shift. I would not like to have to deal with something like that while having a busy night.

After the shift The Wife drove me and the bike* home. I've been getting some extra sleep and driving to work for the last few days. My back is slowly getting better, but as it improves I can do more so there's a constant (manageable) level of pain as my function gradually improves. Plus I get to deal with my co-workers picking on me for wearing an ice pack tied around my waist.

Enough whining. Time to take some Vagisil and get back in the game.

*Should that be "the bike and me"? It just doesn't seem right to put an inanimate object after a person in a list like that.

On Exercise and Weight Loss

2011-10-08T02:33:00.002Z

About a month ago, I started riding my bike to work. I figured it was an easy way to include a workout in my daily routine, plus it's kind of fun. It takes me about a half an hour each way, which, if traffic is really bad, is actually faster than driving (traffic usually isn't that bad).

Along with the bicycling, I have been watching what I eat. Counting calories, making healthy choices, limiting the booze, the whole thing. So the weight should just be falling off, right?

Not so much. No significant weight loss, although my times were getting better and my pants looser. With one thing and another, I fell off the wagon last week and started driving to work again, eating whatever, and not tracking my calories at all.

I lost 4 pounds. And when I got on the bike yesterday, I registered a personal best time.

I just don't get it.

How to Solve the Budget Deficit

2011-09-30T07:50:00.003Z

Just a few ideas:

1) Tax rich people more. I agree with Warren Buffet: it's ridiculous that millionaires should be taxed at a lower rate than the middle class. If this means cutting traditional tax shelters, then so be it.

2) Provide fewer governmental services. Stop translating everything into Spanish; cut food stamps and replace them with soup kitchens; let the airlines look to their own security.

3) Decriminalize (and tax!) crimes that do not directly harm third parties. I recommend prostitution and marijuana for starters. Stopping enforcement of these crimes in and of itself would save a fortune nationwide. Legalizing and taxing them would generate another fortune.

4) Reduce the availability of student loans. Too many American youths spend 4+ potentially productive years in colleges, mostly learning how to build bongs. Let 'em get jobs and contribute to the economy instead. I'm all for education if you're going to use it, but many college graduates (I'm looking at you, liberal arts majors) wind up without marketable skills. They then start crappy, low-level jobs 4 years behind their non-college attending peers, not to mention the large amount of debt they carry.

5) Increase the retirement age. Medicare and Social Security were originally pegged so that only a tiny portion of the population would ever draw retirement benefits. As we've prolonged our lives, the retirement age hasn't changed. It would be surprising if this system wasn't under strain. We need to increase the age of retirement to approximately the average age of mortality, so that only 50% of the population draws those benefits. Think of it as a reward for taking care of yourself in your younger years.

Internet Trends q1-2 2011

2011-09-14T10:07:00.002Z

Sometime, in the past 6 months, internet use for social networking surpassed internet use for pornography.* This is definitely an interesting trend, indicating that either a) internet users are aging and therefore becoming less interested in breasts, b) that older people (who are inherently less interested in breasts) are using the internet in increasing numbers, or c) that Seawolf's web connection was down for a few days.

Opinions?

*I read this on The Oatmeal, so it must be true.

On Proper Sleep Hygiene

2011-08-29T11:02:00.003Z

For most of my life, I have had an atypical sleep schedule. I have always preferred to work nights, have enjoyed sleeping late, et cetera. In the past few years, my work has forced me to vary my schedule pretty dramatically (day shifts, night shifts, swing shifts, sometimes all in the same week).

As I'm getting older, my body puts up with this sort of shit less and less. I get short-tempered (well, more so than usual), I eat more, I'm less likely to exercise. A few months ago, I managed to eliminate shifts in my sleep cycle for a few weeks, and noticed a huge improvement in my energy level and some associated weight loss.

I'm starting to wonder if sleep deprivation isn't bad for me.

On Cultural Awareness

2011-08-16T19:26:00.002Z

The other day I met someone new. I extended my hand and introduced myself, only to be told, "I don't shake hands, it's a cultural thing." Apparently his religion forbids touching strange people or some such. I applied my cultural sensitivity, got past it, and went on the conversation.

My question is, what about sensitivity to my culture? The handshake is deeply ingrained in Western culture. It serves as a polite greeting and stems from a gesture indicating that one was not hiding a weapon. In other words, it means "I'm not trying to kill you". Refusal to shake hands is considered a pretty big insult. Just ask Miss Manners.

I guess what I am trying to say is that we, as a culture, have become so invested in "understanding" everyone else's traditions that we are forgetting ours. As a result, we are losing our way as a society. The more we lack common languages, folkways, and customs the less we will hold together as challenges approach. I mean, really. How much of a shit am I supposed to give about some yutz who won't shake my hand, or who has lived in this country for years and refuses to speak/learn the language?

Just sayin'.

Travellin' Man

2011-07-27T06:39:00.003Z

I've been doing a lot of travelling this month. Last weekend was an old college friend's wedding, which turned into a reunion of very nearly everyone I used to hang out with in college. It was a blast. This weekend was my grandfather's funeral, which turned into a big family reunion on my mom's side. It was much less stressful than I expected it to be, and I met a couple of cousins who are pretty cool.

While I enjoy traveling, it's nice to be home. And while I enjoy being home, I'm looking forward to getting out of this swamp. Did you know that, in other parts of the world, you don't get drenched in sweat just from standing outside?

Boom

2011-07-05T09:29:00.004Z

Happy Independence Day everyone. I hope no-one caught fire or had bits blown off.

Crime in America

2011-06-15T12:44:00.004Z

Occasionally, as part of my job, I get subpoena'd for court cases. Usually I'm expected to discuss what I saw in the aftermath of whatever went down. Usually the event was several months or years before the trial. Usually there was nothing outstanding about the case, from my perspective, and therefore I have no independent memory of it.

That's (part of) why we write notes. Frequently, I can review my notes from a case and actually remember the case in question. Even if I can't, the notes give me clear indications of what happened and therefore I can testify as to those events, within my area of understanding.

As you can imagine, if I don't have the notes I'm not much use.

A couple of months ago, I got a subpoena for a court case. I've been trying to get in touch with the attorney in question since then. I had no idea who they wanted to talk to me about, what had happened, or even what facility I was in when I saw it. In other words, I had no way of getting the notes (which is the attorney's responsibility anyway).

The attorney called me last night.

She described the case to me, hoping I'd remember it. Guy with a European-sounding name, stabbed in the belly. A couple of years ago, when I was working at the city's main trauma center. He wound up getting admitted, and having surgery. Do I remember him?

Are you fucking kidding me? Was that the guy with toes? Like, 10 of them? On his feet? He may or may not have been breathing? Well, if we could get the records before the trial I could go over them and give you something. You don't have the notes yet? And it's after business hours, so the medical records department is closed for the night? Oh, the trial is tomorrow?

And they wonder why crime is so bad in this part of the world.

Girls on Skates

2011-06-12T08:37:00.003Z

Went to the roller derby tonight, so that's a first. Now, everything I know about roller derby I learned from watching "Whip It", that Drew Barrymore flick. It was interesting.

These ladies are very athletic, and the fact that they go to work in fishnet stockings and tight shorts is much appreciated. And trackside seats are only $15. Plus, there's beer.

Four stars. Ted sez check it out.

On Employment

2011-06-10T13:24:00.002Z

I spend a lot of time thinking that I get paid to much. Then I have to disimpact someone, and I realize I don't get paid nearly enough.

It's a Mellow Kind of Night

2011-05-29T05:09:00.002Z

The Wife is working, and it's just me and the dogs here tonight. I'm working on that dent in the chair, and generally getting my relax on. Things could be worse.

Why Herbivores Will Never Rule the World

2011-05-17T04:32:00.002Z

I heard an interesting evolutionary theory the other day: Herbivores are incapable of evolving to sentience. The idea is that a big brain is an advantage if you have to outsmart your food, otherwise it's a waste of energy (it takes a lot of calories to keep a brain operating, calories which could be better spent growing horns, or genitals, or children, or whatever. But, if not being smart means you don't eat, well, that changes things. You just don't have to be that clever to sneak up on a bush.

Vacation

2011-05-16T13:50:00.003Z

The Wife and I just got back from the Land of Beer and Honeys. It was a good trip...the business end of it went well, and the social end was very nice. I foresee return engagements in the near future.

Ding Dong

2011-05-03T13:42:00.002Z

It probably won't surprise anyone to know that I'm no fan of al-Qaeda or bin Laden. In fact, I'm downright happy the fucker is dead. Now, some folks are saying we shouldn't be happy about that. They quote MLK, the Bible, etc on how we shouldn't rejoice in death, that even the death of the wicked is not a good thing, on and on....

I guess they're just better people than me. I can live with that.

Pet Peeve

2011-04-28T13:41:00.001Z

If you come to my place of business, and ask for my help with a problem you are having, do NOT grab me while I am trying to fix it for you.

Just sayin'.

That About Sums it Up

2011-04-09T02:45:00.001Z

"...any animal that has passed through death and fire and wound up in my mouth."

h/t to The Oatmeal

Zombies and Archaeology

2011-04-07T13:08:00.002Z

Occasionally it amuses me to step back and take a look at the world as an outsider might see it. Usually I can just ask John what a dispossessed pariah thinks of the world, but lately he's had the free time to get much more mainstream....

Too soon?

Anyway, it occurred to me just now that 1) a fair amount of the archaeology of our time will likely focus on the internet and 2) most of that is taken up with porn, amusingly captioned cats, and tongue-in-cheek zombie warnings.

Taken out of context, this is going to lead to some...INTERESTING...conclusions.

Recent Deliveries

2011-04-06T22:23:00.001Z

UPS must have stopped by today with a package from Lazy International. Despite having only a 36 hour workweek (for now), I really can't get motivated to go to work today.

...And That is the News

2011-03-27T06:00:00.000Z

BREAKING NEWS:... The Pity Train has just derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up & Move On, and crashed into We All Have Problems, before coming to a complete stop at Get the Hell Over It. Any complaints about how we operate, can be called into 800-waa-waah. Dr. Sniffle Reporting LIVE from Quitchur bitchin'.

Seawolf's been Slacking

2011-03-26T21:12:00.003Z

There's a "something sweet" joke in here somewhere.

Decapus

2011-03-19T23:46:00.002Z

I've decided I'm not going to call them "squid" anymore. If an 8-armed critter is an octopus, a 10-armed critter is a "decapus". I tell you, it's going to be a thing.

Or should I call them "decapods" instead?

In Orlando, the pricey Orlando....

2011-03-06T21:26:00.003Z

I went to Orlando last week for a work conference. Learned lots of esoteric stuff that I won't repeat here, but also had a good time.

The Wife and I got in a day early and went to Universal Studios, where we spent most of our time at the Harry Potter park. Fun rides, crappy food. The butterbeer is cream soda with a little butterscotch flavor on it, btw.

Also got to go to Medieval Times, which I've been wanting to do for years. It's kind of like RenFest on a budget: expensive, lots of food, fair-to-middlin' entertainment. Fun to do once though.

Through the Biliary Tract with Kraut and Bowling Ball

2011-02-21T11:32:00.002Z

Recently a delegation from the People's Democratic Republic of Insomnia visited the Pot-Bellied Republic in an attempt to strengthen diplomatic ties between those fine nations. The delegation returned with strange blisters and a severe hangover, as well as some bizarre expense claims. The delegate's report follows:

Initially, I found the people of the Pot-Bellied Republic to be short and unpleasantly taciturn. No matter how I hailed, greeted, or presented my diplomatic credentials to their gatekeeper, he merely stood there, holding his lantern and wearing the strangely-colored silks that are considered fashionable there. It was only after bribing a passerby with beer that I learned the functionary I had been addressing was a statue. Moreover, I learned that the passerby in question was none other than the ruler of that noble republic, Kaiser Andy I.

The Kaiser was most welcoming, allowing me to stay in the royal castle and informing me that I could even sit on the throne should I feel the need. My lodging was thoughtfully stocked with all manner of literature, including the biography of their national hero, Mr. Sherlock Holmes. I recommend this heartily to all and sundry.

After meeting the Kaiser and his Cabinet, I was introduced to the national sport, "Empty the Beer Cans", a diversion for which it seems I have a knack. I was quite impressed by the natives' clever methods of keeping warm in absence of female companionship. They use large amounts of something called "fire" which is contained in a hot metal box.

The next day, we toured the larger realm. Previously we had believed that the PBR's sole exports were empty beer cans and poorly-formed opinions. We now know that another product, "bourbon", is also produced there. The Kaiser personally took me on a tour of two such facilities. It was heartwarming to see the love that his people have for the Kaiser, as they presented us with glasses of their beverage as a token of respect.

The drink itself is interesting. It is a brown, odd-smelling liquor, tasting somewhat like Scotch that has gone bad. This makes sense, as the beverage is made similarly to Scotch, but the locals only use the barrels once. This quaint local superstition leads to a clearly inferior product, but "when in Rome..."

On the subject of PBR cuisine, it should be noted that all manner of gas-producing foods are favored. The natives are fond of sausage, but make it strangely. They seem to prefer it boiled in beer and wrapped in cabbage, and are totally unfamiliar with the proper use of alligator as a foodstuff. On a related note, they put copious amounts of salt on everything...even their roads. This may be the source of the PBR's famous thirst.

After touring their industrial facilities, we attended a cultural event called, as near as I could tell, "Stupid F***ing Ball, I was Robbed". This quaint custom involves rolling a large, heavy ball down a smooth floor. At the end of this floor some sticks are placed so that they stand upright. The goal, it appears, is to avoid hitting as many sticks as possible. Should one fail to miss any of the sticks one is required to perform a folk dance. Some of the ladies elsewhere in the hall danced quite prettily, but I found the Kaiser's dance to be somewhat vulgar. He was apparently not very good at the game, knocking over more sticks than anyone else in our party despite his custom-made "Stupid F***ing Ball". However, such was the love of his subjects that they all congratulated him on a game well played. One imagines that the affairs of state leave little time to practice.

As a gesture of goodwill, I prepared a traditional Insomnian meal for my hosts. The retching and gagging sounds they make as a sign of enjoyment are rather quaint. On a related note, preparing Red Beans with Andouille over a woodstove takes rather less time than one might think.

I slept well in the clear air of the PBR's guest quarters, arising late to a traditional meal of "stew" on my last day. After a tour of the Kaiser's personal sawdust factory I said a fond farewell to the PBR and returned once again to the fair shores of Insomnia, from which I write this missive.

Food for Thought

2011-02-09T12:48:00.003Z

About 10 or 15 years ago there was a fad in N'awlins. Preteen kids would hang out at streetcorners near local housing projects and clean windshields of cars stopped at red lights. A tip was expected. You can imagine how this was initially considered cute, but rapidly got old. Drivers learned to leave extra space between themselves and the cars in front, so they could pull up an extra foot or so and discourage the young entrepreneurs. I once dealt with a kid who was so persistent I had to spray him with the windshield washers to make go away. Eventually the cops cracked down on this "business" and the kids went away, back to the housing projects from which they came.

I realized yesterday that these kids would be in their mid-20's by now, if they are still alive. One wonders how much of that entrepreneurial spirit was rechanneled into the drug trade with it's attendant high mortality.

I don't know where I'm going with this. Thoughts?

Grouchy

2011-01-29T07:33:00.002Z

I'm feeling grouchy tonight. Not sure why, but I have a few reasons. Work is getting a little aggravating (piddly crap that really shouldn't bother me, but does), my shoulders are sore for no adequately explained reason, I haven't gotten enough sleep this week, stuff like that.

Perhaps some vodka, hot-tub, and Holmes will help me feel better.

How Fast is Too Fast

2011-01-09T08:48:00.004Z

I routinely drive faster than the speed limit. Not unsafely so, but usually about 10 mph faster than posted. And yet I have not gotten a speeding ticket in about 20 years. I did get pulled over about a decade ago, but the cop let me go when he found out I was with EMS.

Maybe I'm just lucky. Maybe I just manage to avoid speed traps. But I've seen cops on the side of the road that just let me go.

Today I passed a state trooper doing about 75 in a 60. I thought I was busted, but nothing...until I got about half a mile further down the road. Blue lights, moving cop car.

Whoops, right?

Not exactly. He pulled over the guy behind me. Who I'm pretty sure I was driving faster than.

Now, I drive a nondescript car, and this dude was in a late-model Charger with illegal window tint.

Interesting, huh?
I

Ahh, Christmas

2010-12-26T11:09:00.003Z

Another 12/25 is in the can. It was decent this year: got home from work for some serious quality time with The Wife*, slept for several hours, got up for a trip to the brother-in-law's house for some ham-tastic dinner and gift exchange**, came home, more quality time with The Wife***, and fell asleep.

Except for the notable absence of El Oso, a pretty good holiday. I'd trade it to have him back tho.

*we watched "The A-Team" and fell asleep on the couch

**including sweet potatoes stolen from The Geezers (sorry y'all)

***watched the first episode of "Sherlock". Pretty damned good.

Efficiency Experiment

2010-12-10T06:45:00.002Z

I recently tried a little experiment with Trogdor, the Mighty Corolla. Theoretically, Trogdor is supposed to get 42 highway miles to the gallon, which I have not seen since, well, ever. I usually run in the 30-35 mpg range, depending on how much city driving I do.

So I ran a little test. I had a couple of 4-in-a-row shifts at work last month, which means that I made the 60-ish mile, practically-all-highway commute 8 times in a couple of weeks, without any other driving in between. Before this started, I changed the oil, verified tire pressures, and basically made my car as clean as I could.*

The first set of 4 shifts I drove at about 75 mpg (which is about what the traffic will bear) and sailed on in. I passed when necessary, and basically drove at a comfortable (for me) speed. I took about 50 minutes to make a one-way trip and made 380 miles on 11 gallons of gas. That works out to about 35 mpg.

The second set of shifts I set the cruise control at 60, sat back, let people pass me, and got to the office when I got there, which took right about an hour. I made 460 miles on 11 gallons. That works out to about 42 miles per gallon.

I drew a couple of interesting conclusions from all this:

1--'06 corollas get pretty decent gas mileage, even if you drive like an idiot. Also, they hold up pretty well with minimal maintenance.
2--Dropping 15 miles an hour does really cool things for your gas mileage. I picked up 7 miles per gallon, which amounts to about an extra 80 miles per gallon on a tank of gas.
3--Even at today's prices, that's about $10.
4--The cost, in TIME, of driving more slowly amounted to 70 minutes, even factoring in the time it took to refuel the tank.

So I can save almost $10 for over an hour of my time. Yes, there are additional advantages for the environment that I cannot calculate, but I estimate them to be pretty minimal. What do three gallons of gas really mean in the big picture? It's a negligible amount. I can do a lot more (for the environment, even) by taking those 20 minutes a day and using them for something more productive than keeping my car between the lines.

Plus, you know, at this stage in my life I'm not willing to trade my time for $10 an hour.

*well, the working bits anyway. I wasn't going to wash it or anything.

The Dog Ain't Right

2010-12-07T08:38:00.003Z

Dog #2, who is nearly 4 months old now, has taken up a new hobby: Rearranging the laundry. We just started letting him sleep outside his crate (he is still kenneled while we're out of the house), and he's been pretty good except for one thing.

He keeps stealing clothes.

He doesn't chew it, or bury it, or do any of the other usual "bad dog" stuff to it. He just takes it to his bed and (presumably) sleeps on it. So far it's been one of The Wife's socks, one pair of my work pants, and 2 of my left shoes.

Are We a Nation?

2010-11-29T15:00:00.002Z

Caution: The following is a poorly thought-out proto-rant composed while waiting for the sleep deprivation to catch up with me. You have been warned.

Is the USA still a nation? In order to answer this question, first we must find an acceptable definition for nation. Wiki maintains that "a nation is a group of people who share culture, ethnicity and language". Let's think about this: Culture? Not even in a petri dish. I defy you to find a single cultural more, folkway, or tradition that is constant throughout the USA. No, bitching mightily does not count.

Ethnicity? Honkey, please. Don't get me started.

Language? At the risk of outing myself on the immigration issue, any time you can get all government publications in the language of an invading nation your country is not united by language.

Apparently 81% of Americans are in favor of the new and improved TSA "Freedom Harassments".

I'm going to sleep now. More later.

Well That's Unequivocal

2010-11-22T23:24:00.001Z

Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London, has this to say about our most recent ex-President:

It's good to be reminded of real conservative values, which include abhorrence of torture and a dedication to the rule of law. By those standards, George W. Bush is not now a conservative, merely a thug, twisting the law to engage in something utterly alien to Anglo-American ideals. And a smug thug at that. Watching his interview on Hannity - yes, I managed to get through most of it - I was reminded of this man's utter shallowness and moral unseriousness. Glib doesn't begin to describe his solipsistic denial of his own barbarism.

Read it for yourself.

RIP

2010-11-21T20:57:00.002Z

Kevin Abascale, my brother-out-law, passed away this week. He was 30. Cause of death is not yet known, although "too awesome too live" may be the final diagnosis. Kevin didn't have a mean bone in his body. He was one of those rare good people you find on this planet, and I am honored to have known him.

4.5 billion assholes on the planet, and this guy has to die.

I have to go to the funeral home now.

Just a Little Bit Off

2010-11-12T12:20:00.001Z

I'm off work for the next week, which would be fun, except I'm taking the board exams on Thursday. Big, day-long, high-stakes test that determines whether or not I get certified as a specialist in my chosen field. There may be some drinking afterward.

Hurricane Wrap-up

2010-11-09T11:36:00.003Z

There are NO STORMS in the North Atlantic. My roof is still attached, and I didn't have to replace any flooring this year (well, except where John had his "accident"). I'll take it.

Justice, You Got Served!

2010-11-07T22:37:00.004Z

Tomorrow I go to court. I was subpoenad in a case, probably related to work, but I'm not sure. The ADA didn't list any contact info on the subpoena, so I had to use my Google-fu to find him. I got some phone numbers, but the DA's office has completely failed to call me back.

What I would have liked is to review the chart, and, ideally, given a deposition before the trial so I could avoid the trial date completely. You see, I have to work tonight, so I'm really not going to be at my best tomorrow morning. Further, I STILL haven't had a chance to look over my notes regarding the case (and I CAN'T, because I have no idea who the victim is).

I'm starting to wonder if they actually want to win this thing.

UPDATE: Traffic was miserable, parking was unexpectedly awesome, guard at the door to the courthouse was a complete tool, his partner was a reasonable human being, it took me forever to find the court because IT WASN'T LABELLED, got some studying done waiting for the case to start, and then the perp plea-bargained out.

I call it a wash.

What's Cookin'?

2010-11-06T19:00:00.002Z

It got cold this week in N'awlins. Not "need a fire to keep from dying outside" cold, but chilly for the swamp. I had to turn off the AC, and even considered letting dogs onto the bed.

All of which raises the question: what's a good chili recipe? It seems I have a few spare peppers lying around....

Typical

2010-10-26T09:38:00.003Z

Had really cool, pleasant weather all weekend...while I was working. Now that I'm not busy 14 hours a day and sleeping the rest a front is moving through and it's way too disgusting to be outside.

Oh well, I need to study anyway.

Workin' for a Livin'

2010-10-20T01:58:00.002Z

Went to work today for the usual 7p-7a shift. Had my nice, peaceful, hour-long drive, got in a few minutes early, checked some emails, and then headed down to my station to find...the other night guy there.

"What are you doing here?" we both asked.

A quick check of the schedule later and I realize I'm off tonight. Big plus: 12 extra hours of free time. Big minus: 2 hour drive for no good reason.

All in all, I'll take it.

Update

2010-10-18T15:27:00.000Z

Home and safe. Strangely tired. More later.

I'm Getting Old

2010-10-13T00:49:00.002Z

Lately I've found that I'd rather listen to Bill Bryson audiobooks than rock music during my work commutes. Yeah, I'm getting old.

Fall in the Swamp

2010-09-29T05:26:00.003Z

Autumn* has come to the Big Sleazy. Highs are down to the 80's, lows in the 60's, humidity down to 50%. You can actually go outside and stand in the shade without breaking a sweat.

I foresee some hot tub time in my near future.

*no, not Autism. We already had that.

My Lungs are Trying to Kill Me

2010-09-15T07:31:00.002Z

I live in a Swamp (with a capital S). So there's lots of mold, mildew, fungus, alligators...basically if it's green and fuzzy and aggravating, it's growing in my house. Recently I had some AC work done, and the guy looked at my ductwork and recommended I get it cleaned.

Now, I've heard mixed reviews about duct cleaning, whether or not it works, etc, but I figured this guy recommends the procedure and doesn't do it/isn't going to make any money on it, well....maybe I do need it.

I got some recommendations, and what wound up happening was two guys with a roto-rooter brush came and cleaned out all my ductwork...it looked like the world's biggest colostomy. I looked at the ducts before and after, and yeah, they're cleaner.

Only problem is the sanitizer solution they used to clean everything; I'm not allergic to it, but it's definitely an irritant. So now The Wife and I are BOTH wheezing.

There Ain't No Justice.

PEOPLE ARE FUCKING STUPID

2010-09-08T08:35:00.000Z

That is all.

It's Raining, It's Pouring

2010-08-30T04:17:00.001Z

It's Monsoon Season here in The Big Easy, and let me tell you the grass is getting long. I was going to mow today, but it rained literally all day. Watch me cry about that...

In other news, TD 97 is trending westward and the Gulf is really warm. Welcome to the height of hurricane season.

Honest, Santa, I've been a Good Boy

2010-08-28T07:36:00.003Z

After working hard (only got 2 naps in while on-duty) ALL WEEK, I decided to take it easy today. Napped a bit, went and got a haircut, then went out for some bar food. Let me tell you that a burger, beer, and cheese fries go down really well after a long week at the office.

I'm off for the next 3 days. I plan to sit on my ass for much of it.

How's the start of the schoolyear going, guys?

It Has Come to My Attention

2010-08-20T06:08:00.002Z

...that, since North Korea has turned acting like an ass into a full-time job (roughly 2006), two different presidents have failed to make it glow in the dark; Afghanistan is likewise in need of some parking-lot therapy; and Osama Bin Laden's head is STILL not on a pike outside the White House.

We may have to repurpose Fish'n'Chips this year.

Yardwork Again

2010-08-19T15:55:00.002Z

Thanks to the vagaries of work schedules, the monsoon season, and laziness, I haven't addressed the lawn in...wow, almost 3 weeks. You can imagine what 3 weeks of well-watered growth looks like. In a swamp. In August.

Being too cheap to rent a bushhog, I set the Little Pushmower that Could on its highest setting and took a lap around the yard. Actually worked pretty well. Of course, that's nowhere near short enough, so I put the mower back down to its regular setting and started again.

I am getting too old for this.

That's Just Disturbing

2010-08-09T00:03:00.002Z

Surfing the Internet today, I stumbled upon some very mild soft-core pornography. Hell, it wasn't even really pornography, just a pic of some kissing. Ok, they were topless, but it's not like you could see nipples or anything.

Because they were both Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Leonardo and Michaelangelo, I believe. Damn you, Rule 34. Damn you to hell.

BTW, I did not post the picture here. You are welcome.

I Spoke Too Soon

2010-08-05T19:08:00.002Z

Last night I was bragging about all my upcoming days off, and how little I have to work this week. So of course I get a phone call, "plague, locusts, blah, blah, blah, can you come in a few extra days this week?" Oh, well. The paycheck will be that much sweeter.

Funny

2010-08-05T19:07:00.000Z

The Geek Solar System--Ted sez "Check it out".

What is this "Work" of Which You Speak?

2010-08-04T15:29:00.001Z

I've been off for 5 days now, and I have to go back to work tonight. For TWELVE WHOLE HOURS. Then I'm off again tomorrow. It's brutal. Brutal I tell you.

This is not a Joke

2010-07-30T03:19:00.003Z

no, not kidding at all

Andy's New Neighbors....

2010-07-29T02:32:00.002Z

....are worried about this sign in his yard:

Check this Out

2010-07-27T13:40:00.001Z

Jane Austen, without the zombies.

h/t to The Daily Kos

2010-07-25T18:41:00.001Z

Why liberals should love the Second Amendment

by Kaili Joy Gray aka Angry Mouse

Sun Jul 04, 2010 at 10:00:03 AM PDT

Liberals love the Constitution.

Ask anyone on the street. They'll tell you the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) is a liberal organization. During the dark days of the Bush Administration, membership doubled because so many Americans feared increasing restrictions on their civil liberties. If you were to ask liberals to list their top five complaints about the Bush Administration, and they would invariably say the words "shredding" and "Constitution" in the same sentence. They might also add "Fourth Amendment" and "due process." It's possible they'll talk about "free speech zones" and "habeus corpus."

There's a good chance they will mention, probably in combination with several FCC-prohibited adjectives, former Attorney Generals John Ashcroft and Alberto Gonzales.

And while liberals certainly do not argue for lawlessness, and will acknowledge the necessity of certain restrictions, it is generally understood that liberals fight to broadly interpret and expand our rights and to question the necessity and wisdom of any restrictions of them.

Liberals can quote legal precedent, news reports, and exhaustive studies. They can talk about the intentions of the Founders. They can argue at length against the tyranny of the government. And they will, almost without exception, conclude the necessity of respecting, and not restricting, civil liberties.

Except for one: the right to keep and bear arms.

When it comes to discussing the Second Amendment, liberals check rational thought at the door. They dismiss approximately 40% of American households that own one or more guns, and those who fight to protect the Second Amendment, as "gun nuts." They argue for greater restrictions. And they pursue these policies at the risk of alienating voters who might otherwise vote for Democrats.

And they do so in a way that is wholly inconsistent with their approach to all of our other civil liberties.

Those who fight against Second Amendment rights cite statistics about gun violence, as if such numbers are evidence enough that our rights should be restricted. But Chicago and Washington DC, the two cities from which came the most recent Supreme Court decisions on Second Amendment rights, had some of the most restrictive laws in the nation, and also some of the highest rates of violent crime. Clearly, such restrictions do not correlate with preventing crime.

So rather than continuing to fight for greater restrictions on Second Amendment rights, it is time for liberals to defend Second Amendment rights as vigorously as they fight to protect all of our other rights. Because it is by fighting to protect each right that we protect all rights.

And this is why:

(Reasons below the fold)

No. 1: The Bill of Rights protects individual rights.

If you've read the Bill of Rights -- and who among us hasn't? -- you will notice a phrase that appears in nearly all of them: "the people."

First Amendment:

...the right of the people peaceably to assemble

Second Amendment:

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Fourth Amendment:

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects...

Ninth Amendment:

...shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people

Tenth Amendment:

...are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

Certainly, no good liberal would argue that any of these rights are collective rights, and not individual rights. We believe that the First Amendment is an individual right to criticize our government.

We would not condone a state-regulated news organization. We certainly would not condone state regulation of religion. We talk about "separation of church and state," although there is no mention of "separation of church and state" in the First Amendment.

But we know what they meant. The anti-Federalists refused to ratify the Constitution without a Bill of Rights; they intended for our rights to be interpreted expansively.

We believe the Founders intended for us to be able to say damn near anything we want, protest damn near anything we want, print damn near anything we want, and believe damn near anything we want. Individually, without the interference or regulation of government.

And yet, despite the recent Heller and McDonald decisions, liberals stumble at the idea of the Second Amendment as an individual right. They take the position that the Founders intended an entirely different meaning by the phrase "the right of the people" in the Second Amendment, even though they are so positively clear about what that phrase means in the First Amendment.

If we can agree that the First Amendment protects not only powerful organizations such as the New York Times or MSNBC, but also the individual commenter on the internet, the individual at the anti-war rally, the individual driving the car with the "Fuck Bush" bumper sticker, can we not also agree that the Second Amendment's use of "the people" has the same meaning?

But it's different! The Second Amendment is talking about the militia! If you want to "bear arms," join the National Guard!

Right?

Wrong.

The United States Militia Code:

(a) The militia of the United States consists of all able-bodied males at least 17 years of age and, except as provided in section 313 of title 32, under 45 years of age who are, or who have made a declaration of intention to become, citizens of the United States and of female citizens of the United States who are members of the National Guard.
(b) The classes of the militia are—
(1) the organized militia, which consists of the National Guard and the Naval Militia; and
(2) the unorganized militia, which consists of the members of the militia who are not members of the National Guard or the Naval Militia.

Aside from the fact that the National Guard did not exist in the 1700s, the term "militia" does not mean "National Guard," even today. The code clearly states that two classes comprise the militia: the National Guard and Naval Militia, and everyone else.

Everyone else. Individuals. The People.

The Founders well understood that the militia is the people, for it was not only the right but the obligation of all citizens to protect and preserve their liberty and to defend themselves from the tyranny of the government.

And fighting against the tyranny of the government is certainly a liberal value.

No. 2: We oppose restrictions to our civil liberties.

All of our rights, even the ones enumerated in the Bill of Rights, are restricted. You can't shout "Fire!" in a crowd. You can't threaten to kill the president. You can't publish someone else's words as your own. We have copyright laws and libel laws and slander laws. We have the FCC to regulate our radio and television content. We have plenty of restrictions on our First Amendment rights.

But we don't like them. We fight them. Any card-carrying member of the ACLU will tell you that while we might agree that certain restrictions are reasonable, we keep a close eye whenever anyone in government gets an itch to pass a new law that restricts our First Amendment rights. Or our Fourth. Or our Fifth, Sixth, or Eighth.

We complain about free speech zones. The whole country is supposed to be a free speech zone, after all. It says so right in the First Amendment.

But when it comes further restrictions on the manufacture, sale, or possession of firearms, liberals are not even silent; they are vociferously in favor of such restrictions.

Suddenly, overly broad restrictions are "reasonable." The Chicago and Washington D.C. bans on handguns --all handguns -- is reasonable, even though the Supreme Court has now said otherwise.

Would we tolerate such a sweeping regulation of, say, the Thirteenth Amendment?

Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime where of the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.

What if a member of Congress -- say, a Republican from a red state in the south -- were to introduce a bill that permits enslaving black women? Would we consider that reasonable? It's not like the law would enslaveall people, or even all black people. Just the women. There's no mention of enslaving women in the Thirteenth Amendment. Clearly, when Lincoln wanted to free the slaves, he didn't intend to free all the slaves. And we restrict all the other Amendments, so obviously the Thirteenth Amendment is not supposed to be absolute. What's the big deal?

Except that such an argument is ridiculous, of course. Liberals would take to the streets, send angry letters to their representatives in Washington, organize marches, call progressive radio programs to quote, verbatim, the Thirteenth Amendment. Quite bluntly, although not literally, liberals would be up in arms.

And yet...A ban on all handguns seems reasonable to many liberals. Never mind that of 192 million firearms in America, 65 million -- about one third -- are handguns.

Such a narrow interpretation of this particular right is inconsistent with the otherwise broad interpretation of the Bill of Rights. And just as conservatives weaken their own arguments about protecting the Second Amendment when they will not fight as vigilantly for protecting all the others, so too do liberals weaken their arguments for civil liberties, when they pick and choose which civil liberties they deem worthy of defense.

No. 3: It doesn't matter that it's not 1776 anymore.

When the Founders drafted the Bill of Rights, they could not have imagined machine guns. Or armor-piercing bullets (which are not available to the public anyway, and are actually less lethal than conventional ammunition). Or handguns that hold 18 rounds. A drive-by shooting, back in 1776, would have been a guy on a horse with a musket.

Of course, they couldn't have imagined the internet, either. Or 24-hour cable news networks. Or talk radio. When they drafted the First Amendment, did they really mean to protect the rights of Bill O'Reilly to make incredibly stupid, and frequently inaccurate, statements for an entire hour, five nights a week?

Actually, yes. They did. Bill O'Reilly bilious ravings, and Keith Olbermann's Special Comments, and the insipid chatter of the entire cast of the Today show are, and were intended to be, protected by the First Amendment.

Liberals are supposed to understand that just because we don't agree with something doesn't mean it is not protected. At least when it comes to the First Amendment. And one's personal dislike of guns should be no better a reason for fighting against the Second Amendment than should one's personal dislike of Bill O'Reilly justify fighting against the First Amendment.

And yet, when discussing the Second Amendment, liberals become obtuse in their literalism. The Second Amendment does not protect the right to own all guns. Or all ammunition. It doesn't protect the right of thepeople as individuals.

Liberals will defend the right of Cindy Sheehan to wear an anti-war T-shirt, even though the First Amendment says nothing about T-shirts.

They will defend the rights of alleged terrorists to a public trial, even though the Founders certainly could not have imagined a world in which terrorists would plot to blow up building with airplanes.

But we do not quibble about the methods by which we practice our First Amendment rights because methodology is not the point. Red herring arguments about types of ammunition or magazine capacity or handguns versus rifles are just that -- red herrings. They distract us from the underlying purpose of that right -- to ensure a free society that can hold its government accountable. The Second Amendment is no more about guns than the First Amendment is about quill pens.

No. 4: It doesn't matter if you can use it.

Fine, you say. Have your big, scary guns. It's not like you actually stand a chance in fighting against the United States government. The Army has bigger, badder weapons than any private citizen. Your most deadly gun is no match for their tanks, their helicopters, their atom bombs. Maybe two hundred years ago, citizens stood a chance in a fight against government, but not today. The Second Amendment is obsolete.

Tell that to the Iraqi "insurgents" who are putting up a pretty good fight against our military might with fairly primitive weapons.

The Second Amendment is obsolete?

What other rights might be considered obsolete in today's day and age?

No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

When was the last time a soldier showed up at your door and said, "I'll be staying with you for the indefinite future"?

It's probably been a while. But of course, were it to happen, you'd dust off your Third Amendment and say, "I don't think so, pal."

And you'd be right.

What about the Twenty-Sixth Amendment? How much use does that get?

The right of citizens of the United States, who are eighteen years of age or older, to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of age.

We all know the youth vote is typically pretty abysmal. Those lazy kids can barely get out of bed before noon, let alone get themselves to the voting booth. If they're not going to use their Twenty-Sixth Amendment rights, shouldn't we just delete the damn thing altogether?

Hell no. And this is why liberals work so hard to get out and rock the vote -- to encourage citizens to exercise their rights. That is our obligation as citizens, to protect against the government infringing upon our rights by making full use of them.

And yet, when it comes to the Second Amendment, liberals do not fight to protect that right. Instead them demand more laws. Regulate, regulate, regulate -- until the Second Amendment is nearly regulated out of existence because no one needs to have a gun anyway.

And that, sadly, is the biggest mistake of all.

No. 5: The Second Amendment is about revolution.

In no other country, at no other time, has such a right existed. It is not the right to hunt. It is not the right to shoot at soda cans in an empty field. It is not even the right to shoot at a home invader in the middle of the night.

It is the right of revolution.

Let me say that again: It is the right of revolution.

Whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute new government.

To alter or abolish the government. These are not mild words; they are powerful. They are revolutionary.

The Founders might never have imagined automatic weapons. But they probably also never imagined a total ban on handguns either.

We talk about the First Amendment as a unique and revolutionary concept -- that we have the right to criticize our government. Does it matter whether we do so while standing on a soapbox on the corner of the street or on a blog? No. Because the concept, not the methodology, is what matters.

And the Second Amendment is no different. It is not about how much ammunition is "excessive" or what types of guns are and are not permissible. Liberals cling to such minutia at the expense of understanding and appreciating the larger concept that underlies this right.

So.

What is the point? Is this a rallying cry for liberals to rush right out and purchase a gun? Absolutely not. Guns are dangerous when used by people who are not trained to use them, just as cars are dangerous when driven by people who have not been taught how to drive.

No, this is a rallying cry for the Bill of Rights -- for all of our rights.

This is an appeal to every liberal who says, "I just don't like guns."

This is an appeal to every liberal who says, "No one needs that much ammunition."

This is an appeal to every liberal who says, "That's not what the Founders meant."

This is an appeal to every liberal who supports the ACLU.

This is an appeal to every liberal who has complained about the Bush Administration's trading of our civil liberties for the illusion of greater security. (I believe I’ve seen a T-shirt or two about Benjamin Franklin’s thoughts on that.)

This is an appeal to every liberal who believes in fighting against the abuses of government, against the infringement of our civil liberties, and for the greater expansion of our rights.

This is an appeal to every liberal who never wants to lose another election to Republicans because they have successfully persuaded the voters that Democrats will not protect their Second Amendment rights.

This is an appeal to liberals, not merely to tolerate the Second Amendment, but to embrace it. To love it and defend it and guard it as carefully as you do all the others.

Because we are liberals. And fighting for our rights -- for all of our rights, for all people -- is what we do.

Because we are revolutionaries.

This One's for Seawolf

2010-07-23T09:49:00.002Z

Rain Update

2010-07-19T02:56:00.002Z

Got our first "real" rainstorm since I installed my irrigation system. The system works, sort of; it needs some tweaking to adjust for the lower water pressure. The only problem: the thirty-gallon barrel fills in about 2 minutes during a summer storm.

We're going to need a bigger boat.

Rain-Related Issues

2010-07-16T16:04:00.002Z

It rains in Luzianne, sometimes a lot. When it does, my gutters tend to overflow when the rain overwhelms the downspouts. This aggravates me.

On an unrelated note, I got a nasty letter from the sewage and water board. I apparently use too much water to irrigate the garden. Can't have the roses getting dried out, or so The Wife tells me.

It occurred to me that I can use these problems to fix one another. I decided to put in a new downspout and install a rain barrel, then hook the irrigation system up to said barrel. Should work like a charm, right?

So I priced rain barrels. The damn things are like $100. I refuse to spend that kind of money for what is essentially $5 worth of molded plastic with a hose tap at the bottom. I bought a $10 trash can, some silicon gel, and a hose tap. Combined, they form ~~Voltron~~ a perfectly workable rain barrel.

Well, almost. My first attempt leaked like a sieve, so I stripped it down and rebuilt it, this time adding a flexible hose to the tap, thus keeping the irrigation timer from torquing the tap and breaking the seal around it. We just had our first big rainstorm since that event, and everything seems to be working just fine.

We'll see how the garden likes it....

In which I Battle the Demon "Yardwork"

2010-07-09T02:16:00.002Z

It's been raining in South Luzianne. A lot. For the past 2 weeks, it's just been pouring down, which has kept me from mowing the lawn.

Until today.

I got home around 6 and looked the lawn over. The thick, green grass covered my ankles, and in some places tried for my knees. Fortunately, there was no "squishing" sound as I moved over the lawn. Dry enough.

The Wife had graciously picked up after the dog, freeing me from that task. I girded my loins (straw hat and safety glasses), picked up my trusty weedeater, and went forth to do battle. By the time the battery died, I had gotten half of the front yard done. I set it to charge and pulled out the lawnmower.

Now, my lawnmower isn't one of those high-end, self-propelled, mulching, edging, Swiss-army kinds of mowers. Quite the contrary, it's the cheapest thing Sears had. It's got enough torque to keep going when I'm pushing it over stuff I've already mowed, but this sort of jungle is beyond its design. Oh well, just going to have to make it work.

Restarting the lawnmower every 10 feet or so is quite a workout.

By the time I finished the front yard and trimmed the bushes in the back, the weedeater was ready to go again....Just about got the front yard done before it died again. Back in the charger, back to the backyard.

My back yard is kind of a beast, for various reasons. By the time I got it done, it was getting dark, I was dehydrated, and The Wife had left for work. I had just enough time to sweep up the front walk before full dark.

So I still have some work to do in the backyard, but at least the visible part of the property is (sort of) presentable.

An Embarassing Story

2010-06-29T18:32:00.002Z

(as related to me by an anonymous source)

I played football in high school. It may come as a surprise to know that I was big but slow, and frequently came in last during team runs. Wanting to "be my best"*, I undertook to become faster.

Of course, I didn't want to actually exercise or anything, so I decided to cut down on my wind resistance. I did this by shaving my entire body**.

One day, before my folks got home, I stripped down and smeared my body in cocoa butter, then proceeded to try to shave off all my body hair. This is a Bad Idea if you own two dogs, because dogs like cocoa butter.

Have you ever tried to shave those hard-to-reach places while being licked to death by the world's dumbest Lab and a Golden who won't take no for an answer?

Soon I was covered with bald spots, razor burns, and shaving nicks, and the dogs were having explosive diarrhea everywhere. It seems that, while dogs like cocoa butter, cocoa butter doesn't like dogs.

It occurred to me that no way would I have time to clean up this mess before my folks got home, as I was becoming anemic from the blood loss. So I called my good friend Ted, who I know I can always count on for sage advice and heavy lifting.

When Ted found out what happened, he sprang into action: He laughed so hard he nearly passed out. After seeing this I knew my parents would see the funny side of the afternoon's events, and laugh with me, not at me.

I think that, technically, I'm still grounded.

*just like Eliza Dushku

**just like Lance Armstrong

Another Night at Work

2010-06-14T00:52:00.003Z

We get dialysis patients in the ED. Not folks on scheduled dialysis (although we get those too sometimes), but folks from out of town who should be on scheduled dialysis and aren't. For legal reasons. If you get my drift and I think you do.

The other night we had an unusual patient. Nothing unusual wrong with him, but he knew the right people. Was married to an ICE agent*. So, while his agent-spouse was flying in from East Armpit, a bunch of local agents showed up to well-wish, "expedite" matters, and generally get in the way as cops do when one of their own winds up in my ED.

Interestingly enough, that night all the dialysis patients disappeared.

*For those who don't know, ICE is the Immigration Control and Enforcement division of Homeland Security. Yes, they're the new front for the MIB.

Stupid Appliances

2010-06-09T06:29:00.003Z

I got home last night and found the freezer less than totally frozen. I really didn't think about it, just cranked the knob over to "more colder" and went on with my life. So of course I got up this morning to some freshly-thawed chicken breast.

Well, shit.

Moved everything that can stand it to the deep freeze, froze some water to stick in the fridge, called Sears to repair the damned thing. They're coming tomorrow afternoon. This is EXACTLY what I wanted to do with my day off, let me tell you.

UPDATE: $300 and a new relay switch later, we're back in business. Props to Sears Appliance repair, they were on-time, courteous, and cheaper than a new refrigerator.

On the Interwebz

2010-05-27T22:07:00.002Z

Truer words were ne'er spoke:

"Not surprisingly, ethical concerns cannot overcome the siren's lure of a triceratops ride."

h/t to the good folks at Order of the Stick.

Perquisites--I Has Dem

2010-05-20T13:52:00.002Z

I'm driving home from work this morning, I got off the interstate at my usual exit only to find....A bunch of cops pulling folks over for expired brake tags and seatbelt issues. Now, I had my seatbelt on, but I hadn't had my car "inspected" (read: give the Man his money) in the requisite amount of time.

But fortunately I was still wearing work clothes. Apparently, that's good for a month or so of grace period.

All Work and No Play Makes Ted a Dull Boy

2010-05-19T14:31:00.003Z

I'm pulling something like 30 shifts in 35 days, and right now I'm on day 35 of that mess. Leaves me feeling a little worn out and, unsuprisingly, without much in the way of blog fodder. Kind of stalls the weight loss thing too.

The good news is I'm off tomorrow (which will primarily be spent sleeping, methinks) AND Saturday and Sunday. There's a ton of stuff to do around the house, but I think most of it is going to get blown off in favor of sitting on my ass and watching Dr Who.

Anybody seen "Iron Man 2" yet?

2010-05-11T13:47:00.001Z

The first one was pretty damned awesome, so I'm looking forward to the second one. I just haven't gotten around to seeing it yet.

Day Off

2010-05-08T14:08:00.003Z

Have today off. Looking forward to some serious not working. In other news, Ian the Brown-Eye (of my rugby days) is in town tonight. Engaging stunt liver....

Movie Review

2010-05-06T12:34:00.000Z

Went and saw "Kick-Ass" last night. I had absolutely no idea what it was about, other than the promo poster which shows four figures in super-hero type getups. It starts off very Spider-Man-esque, with the loser kid whining about how lame his life is.

I guess this is the part where I warn about spoilers:

Spoilers ahead, yo.

Now back to the post:

Guy decides to spice up his life by becoming a superhero, except he's not very good at it (having no powers whatsoever). The result is kind of like "Rocky" in tights: guy gets his ass kicked a bunch, but refuses to give up, and eventually succeeds. Along the way he inspires a bunch of other costumed crusaders, finally gets to talk to the hot girl in his high school, and similar.

The plot of this thing is fairly predictable if you know the genre. What makes it special is the "gritty" sort of approach (a la "Sin City" and "Watchmen") except with a certain psychotic lightheartedness to it. Very odd tone, but if you were/are a comic book geek you'll probably enjoy it.

Don't take the kids. This flick is rated R for very good reasons. I saw a couple of 8-10 year olds come in at the beginning with (presumably) their mom...I can only hope they left at some point.

Minus one star for the Joe-Bob rule, for a total of 3 stars. Ted sez check it out.

For Some Reason, this Makes Me Think of Andy...

2010-05-04T17:32:00.000Z

h/t to the good folks at "Medium Large"

Peculiar Colleagues

2010-04-27T20:46:00.002Z

One of the guys I work with is...odd.

I saw him with a magazine today, and asked what he was reading.

"Soft-core porn", he replied, and showed me his copy of "The Economist".

I can't help but wonder if he was just being facetious, or if he actually thinks left-leaning political commentary is erotic.

Interesting Night

2010-04-22T17:44:00.003Z

I don't write about work much. Frankly, the stuff I find interesting isn't likely to excite most of my readers (...so I finally get the Eschmann thru the cords and the damned nurse threads the 'tube UPSIDE DOWN...), and I don't want the sort of audience that just posting tales of gore and suffering will attract.

Plus my prose really isn't that good.

The other night was a little different. I was just hitting my stride for the evening, getting ready to clean out the waiting room, when the "batphone" rang. For those of you who don't know, the batphone is the dedicated, taped line that paramedics use to contact me to give patient reports, get advice on difficult calls, etc.

Yes, it has an unlisted number.

Yes, it has a distinctive ringtone.

Yes, I sometimes answer it, "Rampart General, Dr Brackett speaking."

To be honest, most of the time it's boring stuff. Local EMS (who bring us most of our "real" emergencies, along with a fair share of our BS) use a radio for communication; that means that--in practice--the "batphone" is usually used for interhospital transfers and other such relatively boring stuff.

So when it rang Tuesday night I wasn't terribly impressed.

I picked up my phone, identified myself, and listened to the medic on the other end.*

them: "This is Lieutenant Dan from the Military Post. How are you today?"

me: "I'm fine, thanks. How are you?"

"Doing well, thank you**. We have a report of an oil tanker explosion in the Gulf of Mexico. About 144 people on board. Federally Funded and Big-Business rescue services are en route, we will give you more details as we have them available".

(blink, blink)" I copy 144 patients, no current ETA. You're going to send us the most critical?"

"That's correct. We'll give you further details as we get them".

"Thanks".

I hung up the phone, breathed a couple of times, and started letting people know. Started with the rest of the ER crew, notified our disaster specialist (who happened to be on duty in the hospital that night), and woke up just about everyone who can get me fired (which is an interesting experience).

Over the next few hours, patients and details trickled in. Some news service published a count of the "critical" patients***, we emptied out the ER by the simple expedient of only letting in actually sick people, called in extra staff, dragged out every spare ventilator, IV pump, and enough of that all-time medical standard, the gauze bandage, to fill a midsize car.

At one point I got a phone call from regionwide medical command, asking me how many patients I could handle. I had 7 empty beds in my ER, 14 beds in my ICU, and 40 ward beds in my hospital. Asking for that much job security made me a little nervous.

We wound up with less than a dozen patients.

The final count of the seriously injured patients was low enough that we could have handled all of them. Handling all of them at once may have been a little challenging.

I'm very glad that it wasn't worse. My thoughts and sympathies go out to those who were injured, lost, or killed in the event, and to their families and loved ones.

*approximate transcript follows. Details changed to protect the innocent.

**yes, these pleasantries actually took place. Sometimes I love living in the South.

***interestingly enough, this was on the internet before anyone was fished out of the water

All I Ever Wanted

2010-04-06T10:56:00.002Z

Strangely enough, the weather's been great for the last week or so. After a record-setting N'awlins winter (stop laughing, Patrick) we're seeing downright pleasant temperatures, which seem to be following us as we do a little travelling. Look for us in your neighborhood soon!

A Visit from the Kaiser?

2010-03-22T08:53:00.002Z

I was in a local watering hole, making light beer, when I noticed a particular graffito, placed at almost exactly eye level.

It said, "Andy Was Heare".

I thought, "did Kaiser Andy I come to town, write on this bathroom wall, and not say hello? Surely not! The graffito is well over 5 feet off the ground. He'd need a stepstool to write that".

Apparently we have a pretender.

Goodbye to the Dollhouse

2010-03-17T23:20:00.002Z

Joss Wheedon's latest offering, "Dollhouse", is done. Cancelled after only one-and-a-half seasons. Wheedon fans are asking, "What happened?"

Here's my answer:

In order to be engaging a story needs to have a hero. Not necessarily in the "Conan" sense of the word, but a main character who is interesting to the audience, who we care about. Usually this person is sympathetic, and we want them to "win"--these are symptathetic heros. Sometimes we are more interested in seeing the hero lose (the narrator in _Lolita_ is one example). Some stories have multiple heros (Star Wars IV-VI is a great example of this: I was always a Han fan, other people identify with different characters). Sometimes the multiple hero concept can backfire (Star Wars I: the lack of a primary character (among other problems) led to a disjointed plot that the audience stopped caring about).

Dollhouse was an experiment in the limits of the sympathetic heros. Wheedon sets up his main character (Echo, played by Eliza Dushku) as a mindless shell who we don't sympathize with (although she is HAWT, and he takes the opportunity to dress her in all sorts of fetish gear). This leads to a lack of interest in the story, which leads to lousy ratings, which leads to cancellation. The characterization that Echo does go through later is not enough to bring in significant ratings, and Dushku's cosplay doesn't overcome this flaw.

Discussion Question: Literary Edition

2010-03-11T01:51:00.002Z

If you could burn one book in all of literature, would you? If so, which one?

OK, now what if you HAD TO burn one book?

I'll Get to it Later

2010-03-10T19:34:00.003Z

Hey Andy, Need a Job?

2010-03-05T01:28:00.003Z

Apparently a Chinese multimillionare/philanthropist* has decided to turn his business acumen toward helping the little people...literally.

He's opening a theme park which will be staffed entirely by dwarves**. Already various human rights groups are up in arms about it, but at the same time he's being flooded with job applications from non-tall persons, who don't have much in the way of employment opportunities in China.

I, for one, will never tell a small person that he can't dance "Swan Lake" if he wants to.

h/t to the other, bigger John Eric for the heads up on this one.

*OK, that part's open to debate

**or midgets, or people of short stature, or vertically-challenged individuals. Pick your nom de petit.

Discussion Question

2010-03-01T17:39:00.003Z

WARNING: This question involves the TV series "Firefly". Spoilers are involved. Of course, if you're reading this blog and haven't seen the entirety of "Firefly" that would be terminally strange, so....

Discussion Questions brings you:

We're on a boat...IN SPACE...motherf*&3r!

At the end of the episode "Our Mrs Reynolds", Mal and Inara are discussing the cause of her losing consciousness. Mal states, "you let her kiss you" and leaves; Inara looks befuddled.

Our question is: what was Mal actually thinking?

h/t to John and Jenny for bringing up this question

Why is it...

2010-02-23T23:15:00.001Z

...that my credit card company thinks I need 10 pages of tiny print to say "I'll pay you back"?

How Right I Was...

2010-02-21T07:12:00.003Z

About the liver thing in the last post, that is. Friday I took the ladies to the Abita Brewery for a charming tour and all the free beer we could swill. Then we stopped off at the nearby brewpub for cheeseburgers and metabolizing (hint: blood alcohol levels do not go down significantly if you keep drinking). Then I came home and had a food coma.

All day today I've been dragging ass. It was soooo worth it.

It's Friday!

2010-02-17T22:36:00.001Z

...for me, anyway. I'm on the last day of a 7 day stretch, and looking forward to the sweet, sweet days off that are coming as a reward. 12 more hours of joy, then...watch out liver, here it comes!

What's Next, Combat Shoelaces?

2010-02-12T01:38:00.003Z

The TMT Tactical Wallet has a watertight seal to protect the multiple secret compartments on the inside. On the outside it has a toothpick, tweezers, compass, glass breaker, and--no I'm not kidding--a combat striking edge. The wallet itself is made of RFID blocking material so bad guys can't get your info that way.

It's like having a ninja in your pocket, except it doesn't get its ass kicked by pirates every 5 minutes.

GraphJam...is there anything it doesn't know?

2010-02-06T16:46:00.003Z

I've never wanted kids. Everyone who knows me knows that. Here are some reasons why:

This next graph is in no way related.

Yes, every married man knows this. But it's good to have a reminder now and then.

h/t to the good folks at GraphJam.

News Update

2010-01-31T06:44:00.002Z

I overheard some radio traffic on the coast guard frequency, apparently two boats, one red and one blue, had collided in the Gulf.

Both crews were marooned.

Rackin' up the ZZZs

2010-01-28T15:58:00.002Z

For the last two weeks or so I've been on a pretty constant work/sleep rotation. Even on my days off I've had commitments that have kept me running. Last night I finally got to go to sleep when I felt like it and stay in bed until I woke up on my own (well, until the dog wanted breakfast, anyway).

Feels good to be caught up, but I'm sore from staying in one position for so long.

I Write a Book Report

2010-01-14T06:39:00.002Z

I just finished _Neither Here nor There_ by Yankee John's man-crush, Bill Bryson. I can now say that there IS a Bryson book I don't like.

Bryson's typical whimsy and self-deprecating humor are redirected against Europe in this travelogue. The author complains about delays, strange food, foreign customs, and all things not Anglo-American to such an extent that one wonders why he bothers travelling at all. He abandons his usual formula (let me tell you about this neat thing I saw, followed by a story of how I'm an idiot, lightly peppered with rants about something random) in favor of 200 pages of whining about how Europe isn't the US (except when he's whining that Europe is too much like the US).

Give this one a miss, and go re-read _A Walk in the Woods_ instead.

Weather Report

2010-01-10T06:28:00.002Z

It is just unnecessarily cold tonight. Water pipes are NOT supposed to freeze-break south of I-10, dammit. And then some idiot on the Westbank decided to go off-roading on the neutral ground, possibly due to said broken water pipes. Did I mention that he went off-roading through a streetlight, leaving a live wire exposed next to said broken water pipes?

Interesting evening.