The People's Democratic Republic of Insomnia

"It's just laser beams and power chords--there's no plot at all."

Monday, April 30, 2007

SCHWEEET!

An voice from my misspent youth is once again heard!

Thanks to Al Gore's invention (no, not global warming), The GREASEMAN is now available for your online-streaming listenting pleasure.

For those of you who aren't Yankee John (and, I suspect, SSB), the Grease is an early-morning shock jock who was well-known in the DC area when I was growing up. He is best known for NSFW "bits" such as Sgt Fury (Grease recounts his days in VietNam), Lawman (Grease straps on a badge), Clinton (Grease gets knocked on the head, becomes gay, and has an affair with Clint Eastwood)...and then there's the offensive stuff.

In order to get away with these stories on public radio, Grease created a lexicon of euphemisms (he's arguably the guy who invented the term "hummer").

You know, when I look back over this stuff, it sounds really lame. Just trust me when I say that the Greaseman is funnier than I am.

Anyway, if you want some insight into influences upon my formative years, or just a good laugh, you should check it out.

Don't believe me? Follow this link:
http://www.greaseman.org/

Saturday, April 28, 2007

From the "You Can't Make This Stuff Up" File

Senior Official Linked to Escort Service Resigns

April 27, 2007 8:58 PM

Brian Ross and Justin Rood Report:

Deputy Secretary of State Randall L. Tobias submitted his resignation Friday, one day after confirming to ABC News that he had been a customer of a Washington, D.C. escort service whose owner has been charged by federal prosecutors with running a prostitution operation. Tobias, 65, Director of U.S. Foreign Assistance and administrator of the US Agency for International Development (USAID), had previously served as the Ambassador for the President’s Emergency Fund for AIDS Relief.

A State Department press release late Friday afternoon said only he was leaving for "personal reasons." On Thursday, Tobias told ABC News he had several times called the "Pamela Martin and Associates" escort service "to have gals come over to the condo to give me a massage." Tobias, who is married, said there had been "no sex," and that recently he had been using another service "with Central Americans" to provide massages.

Tobias' private cell number was among thousands of numbers listed in the telephone records provided to ABC News by Jeane Palfrey, the woman dubbed the "D.C. Madam," who is facing the federal charges. In an interview to be broadcast on "20/20" next Friday, Palfrey says she intends to call Tobias and a number of her other prominent DC clients to testify at her trial.

"I'm sure as heck not going to be going to federal prison for one day, let alone, four to eight years, because I'm shy about bringing in the deputy secretary of whatever," Palfrey told ABC News.

Palfrey maintains she ran a sexual fantasy business that was legal and that if any of the women who were working for her had sex, they did so in violation of her rules and without her knowledge. She says there are a number of other prominent Washington, D.C. men who will be on her witness list. "I'll bring every last one of them in if necessary," Palfrey said.

As the Bush administration's so-called "AIDS czar," Tobias was criticized for emphasizing faithfulness and abstinence over condom use to prevent the spread of AIDS.

Run Report

So after my last confessional posting (maybe the Catholics are onto something, after all), I got my (adjectives deleted) butt on the hamster wheel for a middlin-good workout--2.8 miles at speed including 90 seconds at the end of the run where I maxed out the treadmill. Also watched the first half of X-Men I. I feel good about myself today.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Motivation Plz...

My motivation went away. It is very embarassing (leading you to ask: So why are you discussing it in a worldwide public forum? I dunno). I was doing great with the running this month, until a week ago. I had gotten almost all the way up to a 5k in 40 minutes, which is part of my master plan (as follows):

step 1a: run 5 continuous kilometers;
step 1b: run 5k in 30 minutes;
step 2: ??????
step 3: profit

Yes, I know the plan needs work.

Anyway, after a very good run last Friday I lost all my motivation. I didn't get to run Saturday because Cameron was in town and Heather and I wound up spending time with him. Sunday I was just a slug, not even a good excuse. Monday I had to work and it was a pre-planned rest day, so I figured I'd take off and start fresh Tuesday. Tuesday I had class starting at 7:30am and, given Monday's shift didn't end until 11pm, I just wasn't getting up that early. I had planned to run Tuesday night, but I went to take a 30-minute nap first and wound up in deep crash for 12 hours. Wednesday I got caught up in administrative BS and more class stuff, and running just didn't happen. Yesterday was sucked out of me by the Bourgeoisie Vampire a.k.a. television (Joss Wheedon is the enemy of productivity, but that is a tale for another time). All excuses, and therefore feeble.


Today....Today I may just break the chain. If nothing else, the dog is showing severe signs of exercise depletion (being really clingy/noodgy/bad--he tried to eat off the coffee table yesterday).

Wish me luck.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

And Now for a Public Service Announcement

Dear Comrades--
I report to you from the war on Telephone Stupidity for Business Purposes. I am happy to inform you that, following the Battle of the Do Not Call List (when the People rose up and threw off the chains of Telemarketing), we continue in our glorious march to victory.
The People have acquired intelligence regarding a weakness in the Bourgeosie's most powerful telephonic time-wasting weapon, the Interactive Voice Response Menu (known to the Capitalist Running Pig-Dogs as "IVR"). This weapon is insidious, as it wastes the Workers' time on pointless button-pressing thus preventing them from receiving goods and services from the Bourgeoisie Industry according to their needs. Not only is this counter-Revolutionary, but also it prevents Workers from using their time in more productive ways, such as studying, raising crops, feeding garbage to worms, building useful things for the collective, finding amusingly-captioned pictures of cats on the internet, raising children, ranting pointlessly into cyberspace, tending to sick and injured Workers, and whatever it is that Andy does.
I have hidden the plans in this droid....er, pasted the link at the bottom of this blog. To summarize, go to the website, look up the Imperialist Naughty Conglomerate (that's what "inc." stands for) you will be calling, and find the shortest combination of numbers to speak to an actual fellow-worker instead of a computerized slave of the Capitalist Opressors. Remember to recruit the fellow-worker into the Glorious Revolution before you hang up!

Timely Advancement Through United Struggle!
Ted

Don't believe me? Follow this link:
http://ivrhacks.com/

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

...but I DON'T WANNA!

I have to go to ACLS class tonight. I REALLY don't want to. Can someone please call me with a dire emergency that requires my dropping everything to give it my complete attention?

Saturday, April 21, 2007

...And I'm Spent.

Five twelve-hour days and I'm just a little exhausted. Which is weird, because I didn't do anything (well, hardly anything) over the last week. Mostly I just stood around and relished the fact that I'm no longer quite on the bottom of the learning curve. Oh yeah, and two more of my ex-bosses are arguably working for me now. That's always cool.

In other good news, my morning run is up to just shy of 3 miles in 40 minutes. And I'm at the losing-inches-but-not-pounds stage of fitness, which is weird and vaguely frustrating.

The bad news is that I now understand why paramedics congregate at bars after their hitches end. It's a question of blowing off steam. Witness the fact that it's four a.m. local time and I'm totally wide awake. Can't use the treadmill 'cos it's too loud. Can't study 'cos that's just lame. Can't drink 'cos there's no one to drink with. Can't chat with the wife 'cos she needs her sleep--has class in the morning. Grr. Ted needs faithful sidekick. I wonder what Nate's up to?

Yet another bizarre link...

Strangely addicting...And for some reason, it makes me think of Andy:

http://www.freeworldgroup.com/games5/gameindex/dwarfonawarf.htm

Saturday, April 14, 2007

He's back...He's bad...

Ladies and gentlemen (and Andy), I have returned.

After an enforced abscence due to the fact that Cox Cable sucks all the (insert offensive thing here), I have finally gotten my internet working again. This makes me happy. I can now check my email, read your yammerings, and present my well-crafted philosophical works (well, they're crafted. Okay, they're not unlike Kraft (cheesy and bright orange))....

Oh yeah, and download the latest Homestar Runner cartoons. Can't forget that.

BTW Andy--I lost your comments from my last post. Please don't get all offended. Or do. You're cute when you're angry.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

A Blast from the Past

After we got back from NC my old high school roommate Justin and his wife Dawn came to visit for a couple of days. Now, Justin and I have seen each other twice since high school, and haven't really kept in touch at all 'till recently. But we had a great time. Typical New Orleans tourist thing--food, drive-through alcoholic beverages, more food, French Quarter, and more food. We had dinner at Fillipo which was great as always even though our waitress was hammered, Po-Boys at Crabby Jack's (we shared duck, rabbit, shrimp, and cochon de lait (suckling pig)). Went to the French Quarter and wandered around. It was cold and rainy most of the weekend, which is pretty abnormal for NO this time of year, leading me to believe that Dawn and Justin had brought Los Angeles weather with them (I just don't buy the "always sunny and warm" propaganda).

So, a good time was had by all. We're looking forward to seeing D and J again soon.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Good news, bad news

So the good news is that I had a great time on vacation. Got to see all the Raymonds, from old and funny smelling to brand new (with a surprisingly similar smell)*. Had a great time fishing, drinking, and just plain hanging out. Heather and Jenny bought half of Park Road Books while Yankee John and I told lies at McCrainies (sp), then YJ and I wandered over to Park Road and bought the other half. Jenny made us pizza, which was marvelous, and then we bored everyone with the wedding pics. Ba stopped by to say hi, and a good time was had by all.

Somewhere in there, Heather and I found time to visit Old Salem, which was an early attempt by one branch of the Protestant Church to take over the economy of the Carolinas. It was pretty cool, with gunsmithing, historic houses, a toy museum (don't take the kids), and the bakery where Heather's mom got the Love Feast Buns recipe lo these many years ago. I gained ten pounds.

We also went and saw some really amazing German Shepherds from a kennel she's considering, including one puppy that wasn't available for placement which we seriously considered dognapping. Their next litter may have a pup for us.

The bad news is that when I got back, blogger insisted that I update my account. Now, while I fear change generally, this wouldn't be such a big deal except that the new version of blogger requires a medium-to-high security password as determined by some egghead in an ivory cubicle. My standard password for stuff like this ('cos let's face it, it's not like I really care if somebody hacks my blogger account) is low security. Now I have to remember a whole new password. With more keystrokes. I'm at increased risk for carpal tunnel syndrome, and it's all Microsoft's fault. I hate it when people mess with my system.

* I would feel vaguely guilty about this joke, but John Joseph said it first and Jack's too young to get offended.